It's a Case of 'Apprecitement'

Since ordering my educational materials for my Acid-Alkaline Journey, I listen intently for the daily rumble indicating the Mailman is near. Awaiting an arrival of anything is like watching paint dry or water boil. Do you remember waiting and counting down the days until Christmas or the last day of school? Each minute seems like an hour, an hour a day and a day a week. I wake up and think, “Will today be the day?”

I am not sure in which category my feelings fall. Is it Anxiety? Is it Fear? Is it Apprehension? Is it Excitement?   Or, could it be everyone’s favorite answer on a multiple choice test?   Is it 'all of the above’? There is one certainty I can grasp, it’s the venturing into the unknown. I am a planner, educator, athlete and coach by nature so, I like the feeling of having my ducks in a row prior to departure. Reminds me of the quote, "By failing to prepare you are preparing to fail."

At the moment I am standing on the platform of ‘Unknown’ waiting for the next train. Maybe 'none of the above' should be my chosen answer. I will circle 'none of the above' on my test form and add the word, “Apprecitement”.
So ........................ it’s not a real word, but feels very real to me.

• Anxious: Uneasy and apprehensive about an uncertain event or matter; worried. Attended with, showing, or causing anxiety.
• Fear: A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
• Apprehensive: Uneasy or fearful about something that might happen.
• Excitement: The state of being excited. A person or thing that excites; stimulates or thrill.

I have spent hours cruising through the web to gather information as I wait, but it is not filling the void that this waiting game has created.

On a side note, I felt compelled to find the author of the Acid-Alkaline Diet Book, and I did. He resides in Switzerland and knew that paying him a visit was out of the budget. However, I could email him, and did! Thrilled to say that he has replied. That now equals 2 connections from half way around the Globe!!

The Personal Side of this Journey

Over the past 9 years, the illnesses and disorders have turned my world upside down. There is Kelley of the past and a Kelley of the present. Although I try to be that same person, the health issues have gradually eroded the person that I was. I have glimpses of the ‘old me’ as if you were to just catch a glance of yourself in a mirror as you run past. She is still there buried under layers of pain, medications and worry. I was always a worrier, but it takes on a new meaning when you worry about all the what-ifs of your new life. 

• What if I am somewhere and my pain hits me? 
• What if I disappoint the ones I care about the most? 
• What if people just don’t understand? 
• What if this causes me to lose my job? 
• How can I take care of myself when just getting through the day is unbearable?

No matter who you are, the ‘what-ifs’ will erode your confidence, your self-esteem and your belief in yourself. It was so gradual that I could have almost missed it, that is, until you realize one day that you don’t recognize yourself at all. Fear had replaced focus,solitude had replaced social life and tears had replaced laughter.

Prior to the illnesses, I was a high-school teacher and coach. I had completed my Master’sDegree in both Education and Fitness Promotion. I had trained in ran in the Hood to Coast relay here in Oregon and had trained to run the Portland Marathon. In college, I was a 2 sport NAIA and Division 1 athlete and pretty much completed and conquered anything I had set out to do. It takes confidence and belief in one-self to even take on many of these things, and that was never an issue. I was also a VERY social person, could not stand to stay home on the weekends, and was always out and about. I have a great group of social friends and our calendar was always full! I had conquered injuries, multiple injuries, prior to becoming ill, but this was different. The injuries of my past is for another post….too many and too complex to go into now.

Prior to being diagnosed, I lived in constant pain for 9 months. I missed 22 days at work and was in fear of losing the only job I had ever had as an adult. It got to the point where I could not work and I was dependent upon those around me for everything. I had always been able to care for and support myself my entire adult life. I am not good at asking for help or receiving it. During these 9 months, I had doctor’s appointments after doctor’s appointments, 2 exploratory surgeries and still no answers. I was even told that ‘I shouldn’t be in pain’. Well, I was! I was very lucky that my OB/GYN at the time had a past patient who had similar symptoms as I had. She had a hysterectomy to address the pain but once that was done, the pain was still there. She sent me for a bladder study before she considered doing a hysterectomy. Thank Goodness she did! I can remember very clearly waking up from my first hydrodistension, the doctor and my parents standing by my bed. My first words were, “Do I have it?” The answer YES, still rings in my ears. I remember my Mom crying, as I was and my doctor saying, “I will never let you suffer”. What a comfort that was and to this day, he has never let me down.

Little did I know then, that the initial diagnosis of Interstitial Cystitis was just the beginning of the syndrome and ‘buddy disorders’ that go with IC. Since the time of the IC diagnosis, I have developed, Fibromyalgia, Pelvic Floor
Dysfunction and IBS. All which are known to be ‘associates’ of IC. As if 1 wasn’t enough, the IC needed company.

This is not a pity-party, far from it. This is a time to put on the game face and as my new friend across the globe wrote, “I am taking back the reigns of my life”. Move over, it’s time for me to drive!

I thought I should include the 2 part video series that has lit my fire......If it inspired me, perhaps it may do the same for you. 

A Connection ~ Half Way Around the Globe

In my first post, I mention an 'Aussie Stranger' who prompted and inspired me to give this approach a chance.  I am happy to say, a stranger no more.  I went back to the original YouTube video to watch again and make sure I purchased the same books as she had shown.  I saw this link, that I had not noticed before, that said 'to email the author', or something to that extent.  So.... I did.  Not knowing if it would actually work, I emailed her to thank her and tell her that her message had indeed reached 1 person, ME. 

Tonight I received a reply to my message and am thrilled.  Missy has offered me her support and help through my adventure and am so relieved to have her guidance.   As she said, this is not always easy, in fact at times difficult, and I know that her support will be just the ticket.  In her video, she mentions that she is not a big fan of veggies and neither am I.  In fact, there is a family joke about if a food is green, Kelley won't eat it.  Just hoping I can find a combination that I like or even tolerate so that I will not stray off the path. 

Can't wait to receive the books I ordered and begin the educational process.  As a former teacher, I love to learn, but this read could be one of the most important of my life.  The most importance in the manner of impacting my life and health. 

In future posts, I will provide a better picture of what I hope to accomplish, the issues and illness I have and the impact they have had on my life.  The impact and changes that have occurred since developing these illness, both personally and professionally. 

This is going to be a long journey....with veggies in tow!  Now I have this image of boarding a plane with veggies as my carry on luggage!

Packing for the Journey ~ To Do List

We all know how important it is to pack the essentials for any type of road trip or journey.   How many bathing suits, the multiple levels of sunscreen, toothbrush, toothpaste, make up and of course shoes to match every outfit.  I have plead guilty of the charge of chronic overpacker and planner.  My items are in totes, bags and spill proof containers, all with their individual labels.  So let's pack and plan step by step to success.

Started Blog ~ done
Find and purchase Education Materials ~ done
Acid Alkaline Book ~ done
Cookbook ~ done
pH testing strips ~ done (last time I saw these were in chemistry class, many, many moons ago)
Find and purchase a Juicer ~ NOT DONE

Who knew there were so many....not me.  Reading comparisons, consumer reports and checking out the cost.  What a wide range of pricing! 

The purchase will be for another day....today is filled with pre-surgery preparation.  I can't stand not having the house clean, the laundry done and things in order before I go in.  Just makes the post-op time much more relaxing!

What is Interstitial Cystitis ?

I think it is important to provide information on Interstitial Cystitis since this journey is centered upon documenting attempts to heal.  As with other diseases, this one is difficult to treat, there is no cure, no concrete idea of how it begins and affects both men & women. 

For more information, please visit any of the following links:

Interstitial Cystitis Association

PubMed Health

National Kidney & Urologic DiseasesInformation Clearinghouse (NKUDIC)

One difficult aspect of having this disease is that no one can tell, just by looking at you, that you have IC.  You may look just fine on the outside, putting on that public face we wear, that shows how you really wish you felt.  At first glance, the photos appear to be some kind of strange moon...to put into context, this is the internal surface of the bladder lining.  Here is what is the true picture of IC: 

The Beginning of a Journey

Each journey begins with it's first steps.... I feel like my journey is long overdue.  Each of us is prompted to a beginning for many reasons.  Whether it be a life changing event, a crisis, advice from a loved one, and each have it's own merits.  Mine has been prompted, finally, by the viewing of a YouTube video.  Yes, a YouTube video, of a complete stranger.  Yet, this stranger and I have something in common, Interstitial Cystitis.  We are not alone in the fight and struggle of this disease nor are we alone in the attempts to find relief and a redefining of our lives with Interstitial Cystitis (I.C.). 

After watching this video of a the 'Aussie Stranger', I have had a wide range of emotional responses from hope to guilt and back to a bit of hope.  This 'Aussie Stranger' has taken this journey that I am about to begin and one that is long overdue.  I have no idea if mine will have the same success as hers, but I will never know until I try.  I am starting this blog as a way of documenting the process, it's ups and downs and as a way of hopefully being accountable to give it the best chance of success.  Perhaps even 1 person may read it and be prompted to begin a journey of their own. 

This is just step 1 ......... with many to go.  I will share more background information and purpose in future posts.  This will be a 1 year trial to heal, whether it be success or failure.  Wish me luck  and pray that I continue to put 1 foot in front of the other as I travel this long and uncertain journey !